A Bearded Woman/Transcripts

< A Bearded Woman

A bearded Woman: GET ME OUT OF HERE! NOW!

Player: hi

Player: job

A bearded Woman: I am a great and famous actor! Not a princess, at all. I was only PRETENDING to be a princess. But try explaining that to those stupid pirates.

Player: actor

A bearded Woman: Stage acting was a waste of my immense talent. Not only am I a born leader, my talent is more profitable when it is used for conning people.

Player: pirate

A bearded Woman: In a just world, I would be captain of a grand ship, ...

A bearded Woman: those pirates out there would now be my minions, and we would brave the seas and become the terror of the coastal towns! ...

A bearded Woman: If only our plan had worked!

Player: ship

A bearded Woman: Captain Kid sold his ship to buy pointless things like those insanely expensive locks for the cell doors. ...

A bearded Woman: He said the canoes would do for a while. ...

A bearded Woman: I got the impression he was not overly sad to part with the ship because he was known to suffer a lot from seasickness.

Player: captain

A bearded Woman: I'd have been a much better captain then Kid was. I played several captains on stage and I was good! ...

A bearded Woman: Where Kid longed for the appreciation of his men, I would rule by fear and with an iron fist!

Player: kid

A bearded Woman: He was always a fool with a heart too soft to become a feared pirate.

Player: stage

A bearded Woman: Stage acting was a waste of my immense talent. Not only am I a born leader, my talent is more profitable when it is used for conning people.

Player: princess

A bearded Woman: Me playing a princess was just part of a cunning plan we had.

Player: plan

A bearded Woman: It was all captain Kid's idea. You see, he hated his name and planned to become known by the name captain Kidnap. ...

A bearded Woman: All he needed was someone famous to kidnap. ...

A bearded Woman: Given his men's dismal lack of talent and intelligence that would have been quite a feat. ...

A bearded Woman: We knew each other from a few scams we did together in the past, so he contacted me. ...

A bearded Woman: I was to impersonate the famous Princess Lumelia. You know, the one everyone was looking for. ...

A bearded Woman: That would show his men and the other pirates what a great kidnapper he was. ...

A bearded Woman: He promised me that I would become his second in command and lead a wonderful life of plundering, robbing and pillaging. ...

A bearded Woman: So I agreed to impersonate the Princess for a while and it worked fine at first. ...

A bearded Woman: He returned with me dressed as the Princess from a raid on his own and was instantaneously the hero of the day for his men. ...

A bearded Woman: Things went bad when they decided to have a victory party. ...

A bearded Woman: As far as I could make out from the mumblings of the pirates, Kid lost the key to my cell while relieving himself in the underground river. ...

A bearded Woman: The fool decided to dive after it .. never to be seen again. ...

A bearded Woman: When I found out about Kid's demise I tried to convince the pirates it was a hoax, but they just won't believe me!

Player: kidnap

A bearded Woman: Ah kidnapping is so much fun. That is, if you're not on the receiving end. ...

A bearded Woman: It's easy money and you have a chance to frighten and torture someone who can't fight back!

Player: scams

A bearded Woman: The more stupid the people are, the easier it is to con them. ...

A bearded Woman: And the poorer they are the less means they have to get revenge. Har Har! ...

A bearded Woman: So I make sure I ruin those I scam. Then they have other things to worry about than getting revenge on me.

Player: key

A bearded Woman: The key was lost in the underground river and has probably washed into the seven seas by now! ...

A bearded Woman: If that stupid Kid hadn't been so obsessed with kidnapping he'd not have sold his ship to buy the most expensive and complicated locks for his cells!

Player: cell

A bearded Woman: If you find some way to release me I might even let you live as reward! So you'd better do your best or I'll kill you!

Player: plundering

A bearded Woman: As long as we stick to undefended coastal towns we can make an easy fortune. Har Har! ...

A bearded Woman: As soon as I get out of here I'll finally become a pirate captain on my own. I don't need Captain Kid!

Player: princess

A bearded Woman: Me playing a princess was just part of a cunning plan we had.

Player: name

A bearded Woman: How dare you? I left to rot in this dirty cell and you have nothing better to do than chit chat?

Player: rot

A bearded Woman: YOU .. YOU .. You are as good as dead! I will get you! Do you hear me? I will have your head! On a platter!